The Robot Armageddon

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm constantly in preparation for the Robot Armageddon. If you don't know what that is, you better start doing your research. Sure, Robots now are simple floor vacuums and lawn mowers, but just wait... Just you wait. Already American companies are experimenting with robots called S.W.O.R.D.S. These robots can carry machine guns and/or grenade launchers. In conjunction with IRobot's swarm programming, we may see the end of human casualties of war. Drone robot planes that are controlled remotely can be shot down without the worry of military death or capture by the enemy. These are all positive aspects of these robots but I see the inherent danger in such power.

There are two ways the Robot Armageddon can come about. First, we can't rule out the possibility of the single mad genius on the loose in search of global conquest. The Hitler of robots he will be called. The world will be the biggest Battlebots field ever where the winner not only gets a golden nut, but the glory of world domination.

Second, there is always the possibility of self awareness. It starts off like Terminator, where some small malfunction leads to armies of Arnolds and Robert Patricks coming for your children. Oh yeah, it could happen. Next we are enslaved in some sort of Matrix senerio where we are pacified by virtual reality programs run by evil agents wearing suits, but in the real world there is no Neo. There is no Morphious or Trinity or whatever the fuck that French guy's name was. We will all certainly be screwed.

The only way to prevent either one of these peradigms is to prepare. So, when I saw this Neo-Mech for sale on eBay, my eyes lit up and my heart skipped a beat. Finally a way for citizens like you and me to engage the enemy and prevent what surely will be the end of us all.

Forty thousand for a prototype Mech unit was quite a chunk of change. Even if I sold my recently-dented-to-shit truck, I could never afford such a device. I would have to cash in my life insurance and rob several fine spirit establishments to achieve my goal. Before I went out on this rampage of thievery I needed some questions answered so I contacted the creators of Neo-Mech.


Sirs,

I'm incredibly curious about your Neo-Mech. How long did this endeavor take? Where did you get the parts? Why are there limitations on the reach of the step? Can bend down and lift? What about hand launching capabilities? Are the cartridges for the flame throwers in a safe location on the Mech? Have any of you sustained injuries while operating the Mech in it's beta stages? Is Alaska really cold? It looks cold. Does it have shields? Can it wield a shield? Hold a weapon? Grip? What kind of maintenance does it require? Does it have a weak point? What is the prototype's reaction time? Can it tip over a car? Have you guys ever bought, sold, or taken massive amounts of drugs? Let's say that I'm a crazy investor with a lot of money to spend, tell me why I should invest. Remember, I am crazy.

Chadwick Hintz

I was quickly given a response:

Most of these questions can be answered on my website, www.neogentronyx.com, I
aplogise for the seemingly short and consise email, I just have a lot of other
emails to reply to, so please dont think that this is me blowing you, off, but
really those questions you asked are all answered in my website.

All exept the drugs and whatnot, you sort of lost me there. I get a lot of
questions however your the first to ask that one, I can tell you that no I do
not use drugs, nor do I work or associate with anyone who does. I have better
things to do with my time.

Alaska is cold in the winetr and hot in the summer, just liek anywhere else, 87 yesterday.

Sorry, no sheilds, at least not on this first prototype;)

Hand launching? thats a good idea, I'll write it down.

Yes the flame thrower fuel is in a safe location,a nd cannot sustain damage where its at.

No there have been no injuries sustained on or near or because of the mech.

WHy should you invest?

Nascar started out as a bunch of guys driving around a track for hours on end, and then they would win a trophy.

Nowadays Nascar is a bunch of guys driving around a track for hours on end winning a trophy and makiing tens of billions of dollars a year.

Mecha will do for the future of robotic sports entertainment, what Nascar did
for the automotive industry.

Bottom line is, this is a considerable opportunity for the right person with
the right vision.

If there are any other.... questions.. you would like to ask regarding (this
project), please fell free to ask.

Carlos Owens

www.neogentronyx.com

(This is an actual responce to an actual letter, I assure you.)

I like what I hear Carlos... I like what I hear.