Movies! I Love Movies! / Celebrity Theory

I'm just back from seeing the Fantastic 4. They are pretty fantastic but the movie is what I call 'Movie Light.' Not too complicated, nothing too deep, no outstanding acting, no huge plot twists, but entertaining none the less. I could just stare at a poster of Jessica Alba for two and a half hours and say the same thing probably. The best part of the movie was the transition the characters make from scientists and pilots to super heros. From their first super hero act to the end they had a very believable presence in New York. They could have picked a better villain though. Dr. Doom was played by that guy from Nip/Tuck. I've only seen two episodes and can't say that I'm that impressed.

I hate to digress, but I can't stand TV dramas. Let me be more specific: TV dramas that don't appear on HBO. Everyone told me that Nip/Tuck was awesome, eh. Everyone told me that The Shield was awesome, eh. I even gave Buffy the Vampire Slayer a try, eh. X Files, eh. Monk, eh. In fact, I'll go so far to say that anything not on HBO or Cartoon Network, besides the Simpsons, isn't worth my time. That's why I love movies.

Nobody's going to movies anymore. Attendance been on a five month decline and the movie business is in a slump. My theory is that people like their home theaters. DVDs are a great quality medium and now you can rent online or in the store with no late fees. People are paying big bucks for huge high definition, plasma screen, light pulse, and all manner of home entertainment and if you're paying upwards of $5,000 for a television you're probably going to get good use out of it. Speaking of cash, a movie ticket in LA costs $15 to $20 bucks. I don't even go anymore unless it's a matinee even then I have to pay $6! Insane!

I still love going to the movies though. War of the Worlds was something that you just can't experience in a home theater. When I saw this movie the people in the theater were reacting to the sheer awesomeness of this si-fi classic. It was the most cinematic experience I've had since I saw Jurassic Park. Now when I say cinematic, I don't necessarily mean it's a great movie. It means that it's something that is meant to be seen in a theater. The action is larger than life and requires a gigantic screen and an audience to join you in the crescendos and grandeur of the film. This is why I still think that 'The Beard' is the best movie maker of all time. Peter Jackson is an approaching second, but Spielberg made Jaws. Enough said.

While we're on this subject can we PLEASE leave Tom Cruise the fuck alone. Is he gay? Is the marriage real? Is it a scam? What is all this scientology bullshit? Good glory hole! Can't we leave well enough alone? First, what does it matter anyway if Cruise has concocted this GIGANTIC scheme with his personal life to hide the fact that he loves cock? What does it really matter if he worships space aliens and doesn't take Prozac? I know people that are ten times as strange as Tom Cruise but they don't make the news every GD day. Everyone's got an opinion on the guy. My opinion is that he's one of my favorite actors. Overactors like Pachino and Cruise are my favorites. They're passion and craziness is so out of control that it leaps out of the screen, grabs you by the shoulders, and says "Listen to me! I'm saying something passionate!" I love that cheezy shit. But Tom plays it pretty low key in War of the Worlds and he sells the shit out of it, because he's a great actor.

Some of this craziness around Cruise can be explained by something that either Eric Idle or John Cleese or one of those Monty Python guys said once. They said that people were meant to exist in groups of 500. That way everyone knows who 'The Warrior' is, who 'The Hunter' is, 'The Intellectual', 'The Politician', 'The Smithy', or whatever role that fills a particular need of the group. If you think about it, it takes about 500 people to provide all the services it would take to sustain 500 people. It's really a perfect number. Since some people are more essential than others it becomes an evolutionary necessity to know who certain people are. Thus a celebrity is created. Times have changed. Now our brains have to get used to living in a world with cable news, cell phones, and the internet. Hell, it hasn't been that long since the telegraph. We're living on a global scale here and it's hard to wrap our minds around the concept that these actors are known by millions and millions of people. Our brain says that this is important since everyone knows them but it isn't important since they don't impact our lives. In turn, not only do the celebrities themselves have the luxury of having no boundaries as far as what they can do with their money, but also an awareness that the world is watching. I think that their brains and our brains can't quite handle it. It doesn't compute and that's why we saturate our lives with theirs. It's just a theory, but the more you think about it, the more it makes sense.

Ok, back to the movies. Batman isn't my favorite of the summer but it is definitely the best movie I've seen this summer. I was pleasantly surprised with how well put together the story was. The cast was stellar. Morgan Freeman, Michel Cain, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Patrick Bateman... I mean Christian Bale, and, yes, Katie Holmes were all awesome. Quite a flick.

So, get your ass to the movies. I've completed my GRE studies so now I can concentrate on writing my script again. "The Hulked Out Indians vs. The Out of Work Wrestler" (It's a working title) will eventually be completed. Apparently writing it is the easy part it's the whole selling it that's hard. If it does make it to the big screen, please don't wait for the DVD.