Talking To Myself....

Falvin Shmavin. Bored off my ass so this post will be all over the place.

Britney had a kid today, a boy, through C-section. No loose pussy for Cletus, I tell you what.

My Buddy Amir is in Odessa, shooting a film, they start on the 8th of October. Super Duper. I may get to lay it down on an up and comer. Or I may get slapped down like a bitch.

Almost Convinced Dolph of the concept of Global Human Consciousness. Not Quite, but getting there. Hung out with Chuck today, he's a pretty fucking cool guy, and knows his stuffie stuff out here in the Permian Basin, which goes a long way. I have had the opportunity to work with some kick ass geologists: Chuck, Kevin, Dolph, Mike, and Chad. Yes people, Chad is one hell of a scientist, he just hides it under his ape ass exterior.

What else, what else... In Texas, displaced kids are starting fights in their new schools. In Boston, displaced kids are being stabbed in their new schools.

Apparently, you can play soccer with a ripped cock. Those wacky Germans just love their footie. Or is it Footie cock, I dunno...

It turns out that GW is Human after all, thereby destroying about 90% of the wacko theories out there, specifically those that speculate he is either Jesus or the Anti-Christ. Very odd how the country can divide the same man into 2 wholly different concepts. I just think he's a douche. Or a turd sandwich.

Next Time my vote is going to ripped cock guy. Any man that tough is going to make a fucking decision when he has to!

Delta and Northwest have filed for chapter 11, probably need to stop paying the board and officers so damn much when they are losing money. Also, most airlines are run like shit, and price gouge smaller markets.

This damn well is going at fucking 50 ft/hr so I am hating life. At least C-dub got some reefer in his system, maybe he will chill the fuck out from his bad mood.

The jokes on us, they are making a 5th bladed razor. And even though we laugh, we know that our dumb asses are going to buy it. I think the 7th blade is the 6th sign of the apocalypse. Did you know Gillette is a $50 Billion company?!? I mean, shaving cream is the business to be in folks.

Ok, I'm bored.

rockreeder

"You Must Be From Texas."

After just passing the sphincter of America, lovely Eunice New Mexico (or Anus, as I like to call it), the brilliant Adolphus and I arrived at our new home for about a week, just outside of a little town called Nadine. Needing water, Dolph suggested that I go grab some at the nearest local store, the Town & Country, about 4 miles down the road. Walking in, I notice a very cute Hispanic Girl smoking (INSIDE the store, take that hippies!), who quite obviously was The-One-In-Charge. Passing pleasantries took place and I walked on to procure the necessary supplies.

I arrived at the counter line, behind some of the finest Americans I have ever seen, both socially and genetically, and eagerly waited my turn to discuss further pleasantries with said cute Hispanic Girl. Upon my turn at bat, I notice an entire shelf of liquors from 750 ml on down. Mouth agape, I say, "Oh, shit, liquor on convenience store shelves." Her reply, "You must be from Texas." I smile and reply, "Yah, good guess. We can't do that because if we sold it like that in Texas, we'd shoot many more people."

Awkward Silence ensues.

"$6.94, sir."

I pay and leave, smirk on my face, secure in the knowledge that I have either weirded out another girl, or made her fall in love. Either way, she will most likely not forget her encounter with this Jewish sharpshooter.

5-7 days till decompression.

reeder

Labor Day Wishes From Republican Fuckjob McShithead

Hello, this is your friend and neighborhood Republican Fuckjob McShithead. I hope everyone out there is enjoying their catered bar-b-que lake picnics and box seats at the stadium this weekend, because I know I will.

This morning, my wife and I discussed having missionary sex but decided against it, so I retreated to our lake house kitchen where our servant LaKisha prepared us eggs benedict and biscuits made from scratch. I had a bite and scolded LaKisha for putting too much cream in the hollandaise sauce. I fed the rest to our dog Buchanan. I opened the Sunday paper but quickly tossed said paper when I saw that the only news was about those worthless Negroes that can't seem to find a job down in New Orleans. I mean, how long am I going to have to listen to their complaining? This is simply God punishing them for being such hedonistic slouches. They should just bulldoze the town and throw the bodies in the Gulf. I mean really! Just thinking about it makes me angry, so I bit off the end of my Cuban cigar but couldn't find a light. I pulled out the smallest bill in my wallet and lit it on the stove with LaKisha's help of course. I don't know how these blasted things work. As I moved the $20 to the end of my cigar I began to feel relaxed again. My robe, my cigar, and my porch that's all I need. Ahhhhhhh.

Labor day is tomorrow and I simply don't see all the fuss. It's just another day to me. I haven't had a job since daddy paid me $200 to mow the patch of grass in our front yard. I would always say, "But daddy, why doesn't Pedro do it?", to which he would reply, "You have to learn some responsibility somehow, son." Words I will never forget. I made my three passes with the riding mower and then I was a rich man. Nothing like a hard days work. That's what these... Negroes don't understand, a hard days work. Labor Day is just another excuse for them not to work. To hell with Labor Day and to hell with casual Fridays and to hell with bonuses and the eight hour rule. Work, that's what makes you a man, work!

LaKisha asked for the day off to see her two kids and husband back in her home town, but I told her that if she left me and Mrs. McShithead's side I'd be forced to replace her. She cried a bit but got over it quick. The workers at my Bible factory wanted off as well, but I reminded them that Jesus' work is never done and that I would default on all their pensions if they didn't show up. They got the picture. They realize that I'm teaching them a lesson. I'm teaching them the importance of work and that maybe one day they will be as rich as me. Muahahahahaha. 'Rich as me', I kill myself sometimes.

Tomorrow I'll be dining with governor Perry and discussing some Railroad commission documents that will have to be shredded in order for me to cash in on this $63 a barrel oil. Ricky understands money, which is a quality I found that all politicians have. After that I may go for a round of two of golf and a cocktail at the club. It's good to be me, Fuckjob McShithead.

Another Katrina/New Orleans Rant.

I figure every other jerk-off in the world is putting their dime's worth of bullshit in about the relief effort and the death of the only honest town in America, so now it's my turn. The only real mutha fucka saying anything worth a damn is Kayne West, laying it on the shoulders of the man where-the-buck-stops, or at least in other days it did. It sure as shit ain't the me decade, but the "What, me?!" decade.

And Lets face it, America hates poor black people. We never show them unless it's in some contrived version of reality. Bill Marr showed 2 pics, one of white kids with food, and one with a black kid with sodas. I'll let you guess where the "looter" and the "finder" tags came into play. I mean, what the fuck were these people supposed to do? No money to get out, no vehicles to drive them out, no door to door operation to get people onto the non-existent buses waiting for them. No free commercial or military flights to evacuate folks out. No Internet or cable to provide them the information they needed. No National Guard troops (partly because of the war and partly because of ineptitude) guiding people to these non-existent venues of transport out. No trains, no ships, massive budget cuts to your only national disaster organization, and no sense of true leadership by anyone.

The fucking new head of FEMA, Mike Brown, is a complete moron who didn't even know folks were still in the Superdome 2 days ago. The schmuck was an idiot who was a was simply a GOP supporter, fired from his previous job as a commissioner for the International Arabian Horse Association, had no experience in the field, and was given his original post as deputy by his old buddy, the previous head of FEMA for the Bush administration.

Contrast this to the head of FEMA during the Clinton Years (These are only for references Dolph, but the shoe fits), who was credited with revamping the whole agency from it's previous position as the bastard child of the Fed. James Lee Witt, the Clinton Appointee, would shit his pants at the shame this bastard has brought to his previously accredited organization. I met his Nephew Coy at the failure that was the 2004 Democratic National Convention. Great guy who was interning for Sen. Clinton, the balls of the operation, at the time. We got drunk a lot on Yachts from free champagne, and met people from the Real World. I should have known right then the whole ship was crashing in for the Dems, when Fucking CJ from Paris is crashing your parties.

But, on a lighter note, I have a plan for New Orleans. I call it: The "Escape From New York Plan!" plan. Get everyone out but the roaming gangs, wall the fucking place off with 50 ft walls, with snipers posted about every 100ft from secure and covered positions. Every now and again we would have to send in a Snake Plisken when a foreign dignitary or President crash landed there, but that's a small price to pay for such a fantastic solution! Stamp every inmate with a mark of the beast aka deep embedded chip, and match up a nice AWAC plane to keep tabs. This country loves making jails, so why not! I mean, we love them so much, we even have companies building and running them for us. Think of it, New New Awlin', brought to to you by Halliburton! Just Brilliant!! It is the solution for the new century, surely marking the upswing of a dying nation, one city at a time.

BTW, this years Mardi Gras is being moved by the administration to SLC, Utah! 3.2 beer, here we come!! No surviving black people allowed.