Lake Havasu - Never Go!/20 Year Old Punk Gets Suprising Reprieve!

I dunno what it was that clued me in that the vacation was filled with bad mojo, maybe it was when my lifelong buddy was rolling his wang off while the Coast Guard was searching the boat for drugs. Really bad. Were it not for a quick slight of hand, and a charming conversation about the national championship, I have a feeling many, many people would have gone to jail. A gaggle of Jewish lawyers would have been making their way to Arizona.

My buddy, Cyrus the fucking idiot, tried to light a cigarette with a lollipop in his fuckin mouth. A fucking lollipop. Then he got up and started stumbling and spilling his beer, THEN refilled it and spilled and stumbled a-fuckin-gain!! Right in from of men with scoped out assault rifles. I mean, what the fuck do you say to that. Reminds me of Reservoir Dogs: "Only one thing to do in that case: shit in yer pants an' dive in and swim!" God and Baby Jesus alone saved us from a federal PMITAP.

Whadya gonna do....

So, work is becoming annoying. I am starting to feel constrained, realizing that these projects take a very, very long time to complete, and have evolving agendas. Not unlike women.

The structure of the company takes some time to understand, and I have very little comprehension of the communication lines between Nabors and Epoch. Enough bullshit.

Brian Fucking Rhodes dun good, and life ain't so bad, regardless of the details.

Night kids.

reeder

Fuck You, War of the Worlds Rocks!!

To those of you think War of the Worlds was a waste of time and money I say to you this, “BULLY!” This movie has gone through the ringer this year. Look, I don’t care if Tom Cruise worships bagel-dogs and prays to his own stool. People wanted to see him fuck up and they ended up finding flaws that weren’t even there. Tom shows us that even in the role of the common shit on blue collar worker he can find levels of complexity. Like when his ex-wife is making herself at home in his house. He closes the door to his room as she goes by. I thought that was subtle and awesome.

“The Beard” is viewed through the Hubble telescope now-a-days since he’s an uber-director. He’s been a master of special effects since “The Adventures of Young Sherlock Holmes.” This film is no exception. These things were fucking scary. They way they moved, the way they looked, and the way they brutally killed thousands of people at a time made them the most frightening things I’ve seen since the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.

The people who hate this movie always say the same thing, “That little fuck Robbie should have died, hell the whole family should have died. Chad, this movie sucks and you suck!” Yes, Robbie goes over the hill and it looks like he’s a crispy critter, but he joins his family in Boston that has also miraculously survived. Yes, they survive. That’s the point, they survived! It makes this story that much more amazing. If you’ve ever seen a Spielberg picture, you know he loves to pull the sappy heartstrings. I liken this movie to Saving Private Ryan. When I first saw SPR I thought that it was ridiculous because why sacrifice all these men to save one fucking douche behind enemy lines? “Fuck that guy!” I said to myself. After watching it a second and third time I realized that it was the ridiculousness of the order that was the point of the movie. Genius!!!! Same thing with War of the Worlds, it’s about the life. Tom's story is worth telling because his whole family lived. Sure it might seem ridiculous that everyone lived, but it’s possible. In a post ‘K’ world the idea of an entire family surviving a disaster of this magnitude is something that should be embraced. What I’m really trying to say is, have a little compassion you dark assholes!!!

To sum things up, if you think War of the Worlds sucks, then you’re a hate filled anti-Semite with a heart of coal. Thank you.

White Guy in Chocholate City 2

The prodigal friend has returned to the Crescent City. This time I didn’t drive anywhere. The plan was to simply get pick up my vehicle and get wasted. Mission accomplished.

It’s a week before St. Patrick’s Day but these assholes are having a parade. They’re so drunk they don’t even know what day it is. They ride these decommissioned Marti Gras floats where they throw beads, stuffed animals, cabbages, onions, potatoes, and cucumbers. The idea is that you collect all the veggies and make a pot of stew to eat the next day. My friend Russ, his med school buddies, and myself are drinking in front of The Bulldog. This float full of liquor filled banana heads stops in front of us and is surgically picking off people with vegetables. It was all pretty funny and we’re avoiding the carnage pretty well until it happened. I looked down to watch some hot chick slip on a storm drain cover and when I looked up a GIANT cucumber nailed me in the face. The cucumber exploded and knocked me stupid. This guy with a hollowed out cabbage stuffed with a beer bottle looked at me and said, “Hey man, are you ok?” I just looked at him and then his cabbage, back at him… “Uh… uh… I’m a little… Uh… Hey, that’s pretty cool.” I said pointing at the cabbage. “Thanks man!”, he responded. I stood there for about five minutes in silence sorting through my emotions. Am I embarrassed? Angry? What IS humus made of? Who is this St. Patrick anyway?

The party continued at Parasol’s and then at this Jew-face guy’s house. With another successful trip to New Orleans under my belt I return to my new home in Houston wishing I had a shitload of cash to buy a house in Chocolate City.