Bad Waiter

Yes, I was a bad waiter. I admit that. I feel sorry for those out there that had me to serve them especially during my early months. I heard on Anderson Cooper 360 a report on waiters spitting and contaminating food. Like this is some big story. It's been happening for years. I'm not going say I ever did anything like that but I sure as hell understand it. I just cannot stand people constantly asking me for shit. "I need limes and lemons for my water." What kind of pansy-ass primpy little fucker needs limes AND lemons. The next time you approach their table without lemons they look at you like you just fucked their sister. "Lemons?" they say in the most caddy voice possible. They won't touch that water until you bring that lemon either. In the same way they'll let their food get cold waiting on some ketchup or salt or sugar or whatever. That passive aggressive bullshit makes me want to vomit. Heaven forbid you get the wrong food out to them. That's when the 5yr old in 45yr olds comes out. Why people regress back to the 3rd grade when they come into restaurants is beyond me. Pouting, bitching, and throwing a fit. If the service isn't good, don't tip. Women are the fucking worst! "Are you ready to order.", I'd say. "Yes, uh... What's this?" , and "I don't know?", and "Susan said she liked this." All the while I've got 3 other people sitting down looking over their shoulders with a look of annoyance across their faces. "Make up your goddamn mind already.", I want to say. That's when they decide to split an appetizer and just drink water. "Great decision ladies." Sometimes service turns people into complete assholes, "'Bout time!", or "Where the hell is my food?", or, "I ordered that like an hour ago." Oh, and let's not forget the whistle or the wave. Fuck that! It's no wonder alcohol and drugs run unchecked in restaurants. The clientele dwindles your self esteem down to the size of a split pea. If you couldn't tell already I had problems consolidating and anticipating what the customer needed. I'm not a fucking mind reader! Some people are great at it, just not me.

Those of you who know me know this story, but I'm going to write it out anyway. I called a woman fat once. Not completely on purpose though. It was my very first closing shift in the hardest section in the restaurant. I was shaken up because every one of my tables was one of those needy tables. Every time I'd go to the table they would have a different request. I'd bring a fork, they needed a napkin, I'd bring the napkin, they needed more water, I'd bring water, they needed a straw, ect... I was frazzled. Things were hectic. I had probably forgot an order or two and sent the wrong food out as well, I don't remember. This lady stopped me and said, "Excuse me, but last time I was here the portions seemed bigger." What the fuck do you want me to say lady. "Yes, we saw you come and and said to ourselves 'Let's fuck her in the ass on the portion. Muahahahaha!'". Is that what she wanted me to say? No, I know exactly what she wanted, a handout. They all want handouts. I didn't feel like giving one out probably my comps were too high that day and I was too fucking busy to want to do anything about it. Without fully thinking about what was coming out of my mouth, I said, "Well, maybe you were a smaller person back then." I immediately realized what I had said and tried to dilute this irresponsible comment with a comparison, "When I was a kid my garage seemed huge, but now... Not so huge. More tea?" That's when I spilled it all over the table and her. She must have left with quite an impression because she wrote to the corporate office at the restaurant I worked at, P.F. Chang's. Now this was a semi-legit claim she was making, but I've seen people complain for less. This is what pisses me off about people. When some people don't get good service simply not tipping isn't good enough. There are a group of people out there that want to see you destroyed. They want to ruin your life. It's that, or they want to tell the management how to run their restaurant. Either way, it's arrogant for them to behave in this manner. To put a poor waiter's well being on the line because your fucking water didn't get filled up on time and you weren't asked if you wanted one of our especially teas. I've seen it. I've seen jobs lost over those very complaints. Her letter wasn't too complementary. She personally attacked me and put my job on the line. She didn't give a name, but she sure as hell described me as best she could. I admitted to it because I knew they would find out anyway. It's just not adult to hide from something you did wrong. I was lambasted! They didn't fire me but I never heard the end of it. Finally one day one of the managers fucking picked the wrong time to fuck with me about it. Then we had a sit down. I was offered a demotion to food runner or I would be fired next time I got a complaint. I chose the latter. The next day my friend Alex called me and said, "Sorry buddy, but you got another letter." Jesus, now I have to scrape by for another month or two. "You were secret shopped and you got a perfect score!" Satisfaction! Every now and then the big guy upstairs looks out for the 'ol Chadwick.

I had a managerial staff that constantly hung your job over your head. Restaurant managers have a reputation for being megalomaniacs and rightly so. They don't give a shit about you. Why should they? They have 100 other students and aspiring actors out there that need service industry jobs. Plus it's fun to kick around 'lesser' people. Why not? Fuck 'um. Elizabeth Fuss, if that lying bitch is still out there I hope she's getting her face fucked in some back ally. I hope to God she googles her name and finds this. She used to string along this little victim of a man named Chuck. He was like a fucking puppydog. Pathetic. He was in love and it showed. She knew this and ended up ruining his career at Chang's. She was married and I'm sure her husband was just as pathetic has Chuck. She was also a pathological liar. She lied about her schooling, things the general manager said, and all sorts of really petty thing too. Liar, ass kisser, all around scumbag.

Paulo Coelho writes about how you should take every experience bad or good and apply it to everything else in your life. That way no experience is completely worthless. On this, I beg to differ. The only thing I learned is how hard you have to beat a drink tray into a bakers rack until it breaks.

Kaytlin

Who is this you ask? This is Kaytlin. I met her on friendster. I sent her a picture of me. I like this one because the sun reflects perfecly off my toned body and perfect skin:

That's when the letters started and haven't stopped.

Chadwicki,

Oh how I long for your touch. I want to tear and rip at your skin so that I can taste you and have you become a part of me. You're death will mark in the annals of time as the point where my soul broke into a million pieces and became the sorrow of a million angels. My hand is the only one that could render the blow of death to you're sacred flesh! I will cut you open and sleep in your flesh carcass like Luke inside a tom-tom.

And so on and so forth. Pretty scary huh?

Just kidding.

This IS Kaytlin and she has been a friend of mine for several years now. I just wanted to post a picture of a cute girl so the few that read this think I'm a pimpin' playa playa pimpy pimp a doodle doo or whatever. She really is the sweetest thing. She's very smart, beautiful, successful, sarcastic, and classy. It is a privilege to know her. I can't say enough. I met her when she was trying out for cheerleader at Baylor. When you're a big guy in cheerleading you have market value and some girl's mother was paying me to throw around her heifer of a daughter. She made it of course but Kaytlin was the most impressive candidate. She was the most talented of the group and did it with only one hand. I was amazed. After talking to her for a while I knew she was my kind of people. I've kept her in the circle ever since.

So, fellas, what do you think? Isn't this the hottest little Kore... uh...Viet... uh... Asian you've ever seen? She is single fellas, but no fatties please!

Oscar Picks

Performance by an actor in a leading role

Jamie Foxx in Booty Call
Don Cheadle "Hotel Rwanda"
Johnny Depp "Finding Neverland"
Leo "The Aviator"
Clint "Million dollar Baby"
Jamie Foxx "Ray"

I got Jamie on this one. The problem with a lot of comedians turned actors is that they try to incorporate their shtick into their performance. The worst is Robin Williams who is Robin Williams in every role he plays. Not Jamie. Jamie Foxx is definitely Ray Charles in this movie. There is no doubt in my mind that he will take home that little statue. Leo was great too. He spent a lot of time around people with OCD and it shows, man he pulled it off wonderfully. I thought Frankie Dunn was a real interesting character and gruff is Clint's bread and butter, but I liked him better as Bill Munny in Unforgiven and he didn't win that year either. Al Pacino took it from him for playing a blind guy. If Foxx wins it proves that irony can be a cruel bitch sometimes. I saw Finding Neverland and really liked it. Johnny Depp was... well... Johnny Depp with an Irish accent.
Performance by an actor in a supporting role.

Thomas Hayden Church as Lowell Mather

Alan Alda "The Aviator"
Thomas Hayden Church "Sideways"
Jamie Foxx "Collateral"
Clive Owen "Closer"
Morgan Freeman "Million Doller Baby"

Now I've seen all of these but Collateral and Closer. I hear Clive Owen did a great job and Jamie's real hot right now but I'm going to pick Thomas Hayden Church because it's high time that Lowell got his. If I'm wrong on any of these it's this one because I'm biased. This guys a Texan, I loved wings, and I like to root for the underdog. Anyhow, this is just one of those cases where the shoe just fit. His performance was so natural and real. He's an amoral sleezebag actor that uses his acting to convince himself what he's doing isn't wrong and when the jig is up still no lesson learned. His life is destined to move only sideways. Morgan was awesome too. If Swank and Clint were the body of this movie, Freeman was the backbone. He moves the movie along by narrating and by pushing the other characters in the direction they really want to go. Alan Alda was your quintessential asshole politician. What a sleezebag this guy is. I hated him which means he did his job.

Performance by an actress in a leading role

Hilary Swank looking busty.

Annette Benning "Being Julia"
Catalina Sandino Moreno "Maria Full of Grace"
Imelda Staunton "Vera Drake"
Hilary Swank "Million Dollar Baby"
Kate Winslet "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

Can't say I've seen The top three. One movie about being a woman and two controversial roles for women. Good lineup. I'll take Swank over Winslet though. Hilary was just such a solid character. The whole movie had this creepy dark tone and all the characters fit in their roles so well, it's hard not to give it to her. Kate was good too but I think her role might confuse and befuddle the old white guys on the academy.


Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Cate Blanchett in Lord of the Rings

Cate Blanchett "The Aviator"
Laura Linney "Kinsey"
Virginia Madsen "Sideways"
Sophie Okonedo "Hotel Rwanda"
Natalie Portman "Closer"

Again, I've only seen two of these so my pick is kind of useless. I'm going with Cate. She won the SAG but not the Golden Globe. She was great as Catheren Hepburn. She had great energy and did the voice so well. As much as I love Sideways I think Virginia Madsen had one really good scene but Cate was definitely a presence when on screen.

Best animated film of the year


Incredible!
The Incredibles
Sharks Tale
Shrek 2

The Incredibles. Nuff' said. Great flick, great freken flick!

Achievement in directing

Look at those brows.
Martin Scorsesse "The Aviator"
Clint "Million Dollar Baby"
Taylor Hackford "Ray"
Alexander Payne "Sideways"
Mike Leigh "Vera Drake"

Haven't seen Vera Drake, and Payne is not going to get it in this category. This is a tough one but I have to go with Scorsesse. This movie is huge! It's got everything! There are several moments in this movie where you really feel the tension that Howard is feeling. Things like Howard's fear of crowds and his awkwardness at Hepburn's estate were just as nerve racking as the airplane crash. Moments like these make Scorsesse a freakin' genius. Ray was good, but it didn't seem to wrap things up as tightly as The Aviator did. Ray seemed to have transitional problems to me. It was noticeable enough to take my attention away from the action. Clint could have a shot at this but it was high time Scorsesse got his.

Best Picture

Perfect movie.

The Aviator
Finding Neverland
Million Dollar Baby
Ray
Sideways

Million Dollar Baby is almost too perfect. The story is flawless. The main characters are fantastic. I hate to say too much about it because you have to see it to believe it. It's a dark movie literally and metaphorically. The lighting itself is like it's own character. The boxing scenes are brutal. It's just a great movie.

The rest of the awards I could care less about except original and adaped screenplay. Original screenplay will hopefully go to "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" because I love Charlie Kaufman. My problem with that movie is that there is NO WAY that Kirsten Dunst's character would fall for Tom Wilkinson's character. He's way to old for her hot little ass. Since it's the biggest plot point of the story, it just ruined it for me. "Sideways" is a shoe in for best original screenplay. "Election" and "About Shmit" are two of my favorites. A movie I would have liked to have seen nominated that wasn't was "House of Flying Daggers." I can't believe this isn't in the running for best foreign movie. If "Crouching Tiger hidden Dragon" can get nominated as a kung fu movie this one surely should have. The end isn't as cryptic and I love movies that take you one way for a while and then do a 180 on you. Oh well.

Cramped Pooper

I have a job where I travel alot. The company puts me up in these little trailers on the job location. The bathroom is usually easy to access but this is rediculous!

Do you see how far the toilet is from the sink!? A man of my stature has problems with this little arangement! I have to sit sideways or my knees hit the sink drainpipe. The worst part is I have to leave the bathroom to wipe! This is truly cruel and unusual.

On the Gayness of Blogs

I am now a blogger. My friend David Jewsrailson has informed me that this blog is gay and he "throws up in his mouth a little when he looks at it." I was curious as to where he could have gotten this notion. I searched around today to see what other people are blogging about. Some people seem to use blogging for business and political reasons but mostly it's a forum for self absorbed women and teenagers to keep a diary of their daily lives. Maybe self absorbed is too strong a word but I don't fully understand a woman's obsession with diaries, Journals, and whatnot. I'm no expert, but the social consensus is that women are more emotional than men. Maybe a blog or journal is like a emotional bowel movement for women. A forum where they can spew and splatter the rollercoaster of temperament associated with their daily uninteresting and sometimes downright annoying misadventures.

There was one pretty cool blog I ran across called Baghdad Burning where this girl writing from Iraq about the occupation there. Then there is the blog of the year. A Republican media blog. They expose the 'liberal media.' Then there is the Media Matters blog which serves as a watchdog for 'The republican noise machine.' Rant time. The Republicans jump all over Dan Rather for not scrutinizing documents enough but at the same time pay off reporters and allow fake, Republican sponsored, and possibly white house linked, newspeople into whitehouse press conferences to ask softball questions. Let's not forget the giant lie that is "Unfit for Command." But anyway check out media matters if you want to see the ridiculousness of the 'conservative media'.

I think my blog falls under the category of to-much-free-time-at-work-blogs. Perhaps I am a bit self absorbed to have a blog and maybe I am no better than some teenybopper who can't get Craig, who sits two rows over in homeroom, to fingerbang her into rapture, but it's something to do. For those very few that read my bullshit, if you at any time find this blog to be gay in anyway I would like to be informed so the situation will be nullified ASAP. Fair warning though, I am going to post my Oscar picks soon. That one doesn't count. Chris Rock has made me paranoid about my love of the oscars.

Morning comes to Wyomingland. I took this from my door. Good gravy it's friggin' cold!

Today Chris Farley would have been 41 years old. I loved that fat bastard. Too many bacon cheeseburgers and too much of the 'ol white lady. A damn shame. 

Daryl Hanna in Playboy Nov. 2003. I love this picture. 

Tsunami Survivor Story

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Getting Started

Welcome to The Ultimate Super Extreme Mega Blog or USEMB. I have plans for this blog, big plans, but I have no idea what I'm doing. Since I'm on the road all the time I thought this would be a good idea to keep up with everyone who is near and dear to yours truly. I'll be posting my all kinds of junk here.

If you're reading this you probably got my email. Good. Now, please leave a post here just to let me know that you came.