Portland, Oragon
I drove from Wamsutter, Wyoming to Boise Idaho then hopped a plane to Portland, Oregon to visit my buddy David Ezrailson. We immediately had breakfast at "My Father's Place." A dark, smoky dive bar that fried up one hell of a strip of bacon. Everyone else in the place was older than me and Dave's ages combined. Our waitress was about 45 and was probably a real dish back in the day but time hadn't been kind. I soon passed out and woke up with a hard on inspired by our aged server. When my arousal subsided we went out and did the town. I had a great time but I wasn't too impressed with Dave's friends. We met Mike at some bar on the 30th floor of the tallest building in Portland. His conversation was dull and got too drunk to walk. Ellie, another one of Dave's friends, punched my brand new camera into my face and made me bleed. I lit into her but she didn't seem to care. She was lucky. She didn't even know me. I could have been a woman beating asshole and seriously fucked her up. She's one of those self defense nuts that likes to fight when she gets drunk. To her credit, she called the next day and sincerely apologized. I told her to stay clear of the Cobra Kai method of self defense and employ more of a Mr. Miagi style of fighting. Saturday was casino night. We hit the poker table and I came up even. It was a good time.
Pinhead Cops
We were pulled over on the way back going 65 in a 25. We were asked to exit the vehicle while the car was searched. I pulled my camera out to take a picture. "I wouldn't do that if I was you!", the cop shouted with his hand on his gun. "That could get you shot!" Fucking pinhead. The cops didn't find any meth and let us move on down the road with only a warning.
Typical House in Portland.
All the houses in Portland are 100 years old, there are over 1,000 varieties of plant life, and there is no sales tax. All pluses. It's also the lesbian capitol of the world and every service industry person is a coffee house intellectual with an opinion on everything. That was annoying. All and all a fun trip.
Look Familiar?
Local Color
I hopped a plane to Boise and drove to Rock springs where I stayed the night on the office couch. I got bored and decided to frequent the local bar, "The Saddle-Lite." White trash Valhalla but the people were super friendly. Justin, the guy in the wheelchair, was a bull rider but was injured in a wreck returning from a competition. He's a professional pool player and keeps a gun under the seat of his chair. Another guy I met had his arm smashed between some pipe on an oil rig and is now the bouncer at The Saddle-Lite. I think he was on meth. He talked about it a lot and informed me that Rock Springs is known as Meth Mountain. I also met a 34yr old woman that takes care of retards. She brought one of them to the bar. Between his intoxication and his retard speech impediment I couldn't understand a word he said. I just smiled and nodded and repeated "Well, that's good." She taught me how to swing dance and we had a blast.
White trash 'tard lover
Somewhere in Utah
I made a stop in Aspen Colorado just to see if I could recognise anything from "Dumb and Dumber." Sadly I did not. Everything was overpriced and half the people there didn't even speak english. The value of the Euro is making it easier for Europeans to visit the states I guess. I won't be going back there for a while
Timberline Motel
Now I'm sitting here in the Timberline Inn seated high in the Rocky Mountains. When I rang the bell for service the hotel owner greeted me in his robe. "Now the TV won't work unless the main light switch is turned on." Awesome. This town doesn't look like it's aged a day in over 150 years. Time for bed. It's a long way to Albuquerque.
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