As debates rage on across the country about filibusters, UN appointments, and the war in Iraq I think we should ponder more relevant questions to our everyday lives. The question I refer to is the delicious sandwich verses the hot chick conundrum.
This may seem like a simple question at first, "Dude! Are you gay? The chick!" most would say. A typical macho response but once we analyze the situation more closely you will see it's not so simple.
First we start with definitions and assumptions. The sandwich is most definitely delicious and can be whatever your heart desires, but it must follow the two slices of bread and filling standard. No pitas or gyros or anything of that nature. For example, my personal favorite sandwich would be a deli-sliced-blood-red-roast beef with lettuce, thinly sliced tomato, red onions, melted sharp Cheddar cheese on a lightly toasted Kaiser roll, and horseraddish mayo. There are a number of things I would do if bribed by this particular sandwich including pissing on any number of gravesites, kicking and old lady, puppy, kitten, etc., or even vandalizing a church. Judge me if you will, but hey, free sandwich. The chick is not defined by inner beauty or some little crush you had in high school. The hot chick has to have breasts, legs, ass, vagina, and the like. No trannys or fatties or whatever weird fetish you may have. We're talking Maxim cover girl quality here. The details you can fill in for yourself, just like the sandwich. I would like a slightly tanned white girl with blond hair past her shoulders, C cup breasts, small waist, round volleyball butt, no muscle tone but shapely, 5'10", squeaky voice, perky nose, blue eyes, and velupuous lips. Let's call her Mitzy. As you can see my sandwich and chick choices are as American as the fourth of July.
With that established we can get down to it. The question at hand is entirely situational and there are a lot of factors to consider.
Sandwich: When hungry will fill you up pleasantly
Chick: Will fill you up only if you have the taste for human flesh
Sandwich: Available whenever supplies or money is adequate
Chick: Available if you're a hot guy, have lots of money, or Tao of Steve game
Sandwich: Can satisfy you sexually if you don't mind getting mustard on your Johnson
Chick: If properly motivated will either satisfy every sexual desire you have or lie there unconscious. Either way, you're satisfied.
Sandwich: Does not have a face to fuck
Chick: Might let you fuck her face
Sandwich: Will be out of your system in 3 to 4 hours
Chick: Will hang around until morning, for a couple of months, for a couple of years, until a hotter chick comes along, until a hotter guy comes along, until your money is gone, or for the rest of your life.
Sandwich: Costs anywhere from $1.25 to $10.95
Chick: Costs you anywhere from $20 to EVERYTHING YOU OWN
Sandwich: Will rarely turn on you if the ingredients were well preserved
Chick: Has the capability to turn on you in a heartbeat
Sandwich: Portable
Chick: Demanding
Sandwich: Will let you take advantage of it during lunchtime
Chick: Will let you take advantage of it during lunchtime
Sandwich: Not very good to spoon with
Chick: Perfect fit
Sandwich: Can be messy
Chick: Will straighten up your apartment
Sandwich: No reproductive organs
Chick: Will have a baby weather you want it or not
Sandwich: Cannot eat in the shower
Chick: Can eat in the shower
Sandwich: Cannot eat underwater
Chick: Can eat underwater
Sandwich: Can eat at a Minor League Baseball game
Chick: Possible but not likely unless you are some kind of sociopath
Sandwich: You can share with your friends
Chick: Depends on the relationship
Sandwich: Can be bought and sold
Chick: Can be bought
Sandwich: Goes great with a diet coke
Chick: Goes easy with a couple of martinis and a mazaratti
I hope I've shed some light on this conundrum, but as you can see this dilemma is entirely situational. If presented with the choice after living in a North Korean prison camp for 10 years eating only a maggot filled rice water, then the sandwich would be a nice change. If I've been out working in the middle of Utah for the past month watching every episode of My Sister's Hot Friend I would go with the chick. But these are drastic situations. The dilemmas lie within the spectrum of the middle ground. Armed with these tidbits hopefully you will choose wisely when the time arrives.
No comments:
Post a Comment