A Night In L.A.

The exclusive back room of the club who's name escapes me looked like the remnants of a velvet sneeze. Giant mustard yellow couches, oversized lemon yellow chairs, and orange-yellow velvet drapes hung on the wall splattered with random art arranged much like a game of tetris. I don't entirely remember how I became the focus of everyone's attention, but I had just done some coke in the bathroom with Chloe Sevigny and was talking incessantly. My monologue was given a soundtrack by the club music playing distantly. I looked out at my new captivated friends stricken with their beauty and fashion. All drinking designer martinis and wearing expensive shoes. I don't remember the subject of the conversation but I do remember everyone laughing and nodding in agreement while they hung on every word I said.

I also remember saying, "If you ask me we're looking at the beginning of the end of Johnny's career. Two more pirate movies and using Michael Jackson as a source of character acting is simply a joke. Next thing you know he'll be staring in 21 Jump Street The New Class on the WB."

A wave of giggles and affirming smiles crossed my loyal listeners until something caught their eye off to my right. I looked to see what could possibly divert their attention from my engaging banter. There stood Johnny Depp. He gave me a cold glare and walked out of the room briskly.

I looked back and my crowd had betrayed me. Looking away, coughing, and mumbling to themselves. My comments had gone from mildly humorous to callous and humiliating. "Fuck this." I said to myself. My Manhattan was empty and I was suddenly bored.

I excused myself and walked to the dimly lit private bar and ordered a shot of Johnny Walker Blue Label.

"Make that two.", a scratchy voice from behind me said.

Mickey Rourke lit a cigarette and leaned against the bar frightfully close to me. I've always feared this man and here he was blowing smoke in my face. The drinks came quickly and we toasted each other silently. He was wearing red tinted sunglasses and a white tee shirt tucked into his jeans that were held up by a belt buckle with two nine millimeters and a rose engraved on it. He tucked his Marborro Reds back in the brest pocket of his leather jacket and continued.

"You know what's wrong with this town? Too man assholes. Look over there, assholes, and over there, more assholes. If it wasn't for all the coke and Mexicans this town would fall into the goddamn Pacific.", he took a deep drag off his cig. "Did you hear about that Power Ranger who killed a man and stole his yacht?"

"Can't say that I have."

"He tied his leg to an anchor and sank him to the bottom of the fucking ocean. You never know about people these days. My little nephews and nieces used to watch that shit all the time never knowing that deep within the heart of their hero the Green or Yellow or whatever-the-hell Power fuck Ranger, was a bloody murderer. It's only fitting if you ask me. Everyone is nuts. If it wasn't for the zanex I'd probably have murdered someone by now too, but people would just say, 'I saw it coming.' Now, why do you think they would say that?"

I was growing weary of his ranting "Because everyone knows you're a drug addicted psychopath?"

Yet another cold stare. Next thing I know I'm lying on the floor semi-unconscious. I felt Mickey going through my pockets taking my money clip, cigerettes, and what little cocaine I had left right before I passed out. Fade to black.

I woke up naked sitting in a hot tub somewhere in what smelled like Malibu Beach. There was a party going on and I needed a smoke. I grabbed a pack that was convienently placed by my head. In the wrapping was a business card with a note, "Sorry about the nose, Jackie will take care of you." The card was for a dry cleaners in Hollywood, where I assumed my clothes was. I touched my nose and flinched in pain. I hope my eyes weren't blackened by the once semi pro boxer's jab.

A large breasted Hispanic woman eased her way into the hot tub and grabbed my cock. "Welcome to Earth again, gorgeous."

"Hi, yourself. I guess you're Jackie. Where the hell am I?"

"Malibu."

"Yeah, but who's place is this?"

"I thought it was yours."

"It very well could be. Who are all these people?"

"There's a party going on."

She continued stroking my cock while I sucked down my smoke. "How the hell did I get here?"

"Shut up, baby just go with it."

Four more equally beautiful women eased into the water at the other end of the mammoth tub. "Sounds like a plan to me, sugar."

"I think this man wants to talk to you.", Jackie

I looked up and it was Johnny Depp. Silently he bent down and gently kissed me on the cheek. I was so stunned I couldn't say a word. He looked at me, smiled, and disappeared into the party. The girls started to giggle and I was wondering what the fuck was going on.

To be continued...