Girl Scout Cookie Time

It's my favorite time of year again. No, it's not President's Day. No, it's not Ramadan. No, it's not National Porn Week. It's girl scout cookie time. These delicious little morsels of sugary goodness make this rubenesque tummy sing with want. I don't think that the descriptions on the side of these boxes give these little delights there propers. I'd like to offer these alternative descriptions.

Caramel DeLites: An orgy of coconut, caramel, and crunchy cookie that with one bite will make you want to kick the Pillsbury Dough Boy in the ballsack. The chocolate stripes and coating on the bottom is but an attache to the flavortastic symphony that is the caramel DeLite.

Classic Shortbread: Buying these cookies officially makes you a dull bastard. Might as well just go down to Wal-Mart and buy a big white trash tin of Danish Butter Cookies and throw them one by one at the little sash wearing angel in your doorstep. Seriously, what were you thinking.

Peanut Butter Creme: These tantalizing little gems are the reason George Washington Carver was born. Chrispy peanut butter cookies provide the carriage for the creamy treat inside. If you're lactose intolerant then you're screwed because these little dudes are fantastic with any kind of milk. Goat milk, cow milk, buttermilk, human milk, skunk milk, it doesn't matter because they are that fucking good!

Thin Mints: Roll out the red carpet and make way for the king of all cookies. Put them in your freezer and prepare for frozen cookie goodness. I could eat these cookies out of the asshole of a dead Chinese. In some cultures the Thin Mint is used a currency. Scientists believe that the earth began as one single Thin Mint that was so dense that it collapsed in on itself and created the Universe. Thin Mints have been known to cure cancer, rickets, leukemia, and hepatitis B. Some believe that the obesity problem in the U.S. is a result of the irresistibleness of Thin Mints. The orgasmic nature of these little crunchy yummies is undeniable. If your local girl scout is out of them kick her square in the cunt.