Yes, the shit sucker. All day long he drives around his shit filled truck going from port-a-john to septic tank removing the feces like some sort of disgusting reverse Johnny Appleseed. I put this job second on my list of top 10 crappy jobs only behind Crack Whore.
I was having a pity party thinking about how much I hate not being able to have a beer after work or even having a weekend when the shit sucker showed up. Wiping the sweat from his brow he said, "Can you move your trucks?"
"So you can suck our shit?", I said jokingly. He glared at me and muttered, "Yeah." then walked away. He didn't appreciate the joke.
Hell, if your going to suck shit then at least have a good sense of humor about it. Otherwise the humiliation of being the world's collector of poop will drive you to beat your wife, kick your dog, or even shake the baby. I bet there are fun-loving shit suckers out there that greet you with a smile and a sloppy handshake. Men that are proud of their position. Men who's dad's dad's dad sucked shit back when they scooped it out with their hands... And they liked it that way.
I couldn't imagine showing up at my 10 year high school reunion telling my senior prom date that just the other day I hit the chili cookoff and got paid overtime.
"And the award for the most disgusting life goes to... Chad, the shit sucker!"
I thought I was going to have to tell them I was a waiter at P.F. Changs. Which to me isn't that far from shit sucker. Six years of college just to peddle deep fried Chinese food? Life was beginning to look like a cruel joke. I actually did wait on my Senior prom date. She hated me anyway so I'm sure it was a real pleasure to see me scurrying around, beads of sweat running down my face, trying to please everyone in the fakest restaurant voice I could manage. Well, that's all over. Thank God!
But, like the midget said in Death to Smoochy, "A job's a job." Bitching about your job is as usless as moonwalking to clear up your syphalis. Go out and make those ends even if it means waiting tables, wearing some rediculous costume on the side of the road, manually masterbating caged animals for artificial ensemination, selling shoes, or even sucking shit.
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